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thejunglenook:

khaleesri:

"no homo" I whisper as I look at my garden of pea plants. The progeny had expressed a 1:2:1 ratio of phenotypes. I am Gregor Mendel. 

This joke is lethal

rte2:

I am so bad at conversation I’m sorry if u have ever tried to talk to me omg

operameister:

thisismythanksgivingurl-gobble:

agentgreenfishy:

poselikeateam:

fuck-i-just:

Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”

Why does this not have any notes?

lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”

“Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”

“Texas crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”

irnperious:

crazybus:

when i’m a doctor doing a surgery right before the person goes out under the anesthesia i’m going to say ‘ok pull up the wikihow article’

are you satan

(Source: cobrall)

bulletbakas:

ain’t no friendship like a friendship where you’re either confused as siblings or gay lovers

elizabitchtaylor:

If the point of the Big Bang Theory was to show that male nerds can be just as sexist as male jocks then well done I guess

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